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Hello. I love you. What would cause me to no longer be able to deep throat my boyfriend? My throat seems to close up in the moment, and if it even goes near the back, I gag almost immediately. I used to take great pleasure from this. Not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg when it comes to this problem. Our relationship is suffering, and sex is hurting, and resentments are rising.
Okay Andrea, I've got some good info for you. I've been thinking about your relationship. And I don't know whether the issue with your throat is that you are angry with your boyfriend or that he's not meeting your needs in some way, but that's the very first thing that I would think about is it's emotional and mental for you, not a physical issue. But, I have a physical issue idea for you, and I have some things you can try, so I'm gonna circle back to that. But let's deal with maybe you're pissed at your boyfriend. And so, taking him into your mouth is a violation of your body. And you need to honor that, and you need to get to what he's doing that isn't meeting your needs.
Now, one of my best-selling books ... it's not even a book ... it's a pamphlet. It's a workbook with a worksheet in it, very simple, and I'll put a link to the discounted way you can download this. And I want you to download this book ... it's like $9.99. It's called Relationship Magic. And essentially what it does is it helps you understand what it is that you want most out of your relationship with your boyfriend. And then, you need to be able to see if he's meeting those needs of yours. And I don't mean a simple checklist. I mean the things you value most, based on your morals and your values and what it is that you imagine your relationship would be like when it was a great relationship. And that's gonna let you look at it and say, "Is he meeting those top needs I have in my relationship or not?" And if he's not, then you need to give him the opportunity to understand what it is you want because he's only guessing if you haven't told him. And if you're not clear yourself, how could he know?
Then, he has the opportunity to meet your needs. Men love to meet their women's needs. They love to provide. He wants to be your hero. He wants to win and be a success at being your partner. And so, you've gotta empower him by telling him those things. So, that could literally clear up this situation. If you find where that gap is between what you want and what you're not getting, and then you tell it to him, and he's like, "I didn't know you wanted that. I can do that. That's easy." Most of the time for guys, it's very easy for them to give you what you need. They just don't know what it is.
At the same time, you can do that exercise together over dinner or something like have a date night and do it. And you can also find out, for him, what his relationship values are, and if you're meeting his relationship values because I can tell you that once he knows what your list is, and you know what his list is, and you start getting up every day and just start focusing on providing the things that person wants most in a relationship, it begins to completely change the dynamic because you feel like you're in a great relationship. And so, resentments go away.
Now, let's just say it's not that, and he's a great boyfriend and you're totally happy with him. What could be wrong with your throat? Why did you used to like to deep throat, and you're one of the few women who understands what a pleasurable experience that can be and so I was really glad to get your email because I want other woman to know, and I want men to know, that when a woman goes down on a man, and she is the kind of a woman, and this could be ... all women are capable of this ... they just don't know what they don't know. But, you know that it turns you on to take him down your throat. That you're stroking that erectile tissue in your throat. You're getting off on doing that with him.
And so, it could be that you're holding yourself back for some reason. Maybe nothing about him. But maybe there's something going on with you where you've forgotten how much you love surrendering yourself to the pleasure of his penis. And so, I would ask yourself that, I would have an inquiry and maybe meditate a little bit, and just really search within yourself about did anything shift for you? Have things changed?
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